Caught up in a Whirlwind...

Alright, so we have been making quite a bit of progress on this adventure. There have defintiely been some major highs. However, within the last week, we had the first of the lows. The first of which being behind in reading in class. However, we will not focus on that part so much. Because, any good journey has to have some pitfalls, right.
I have been trying to catch up on my work, however, it is time for midterms, which means the same amount of reading, coupled with trying to prepare for quizzes/exams.
However, I can report that it has not all been rough. I took my first midterm in Sociology of Culture and I was completely nervous that I was not truly ready. I had been diligent about the reading up to this point, and have been doing every extra credit assignment thus far. (You ALWAYS do extra credit, because you never know when your going to need it... You can be flying high and then all of a sudden... And Extra Credit is what is going to pull that bacon out of the direct fire and put back into the frying pan.)
Anyway, I am happy to report making a 100% on that midterm!
Which is exactly what I needed to gain the confidence for my midterm in Politics and Social Change which is due this Thursday. It reminded me that I am not to small for this big adventure, which sometimes, I wonder.
Another major milestone came for me during this past week, in the discussion portion of my Politics and Social Change course.
This story is specifically for women who might be taking the time to read this... (Although this is written specifically to log my adventure with the intention of helping any other Spelmanite who might want to take a similar journey, I hope they are not the only ones who will benefit from this...)
Anyway, we were having a discussion in the course about whether or not the State (government) can be considered inherently capitalist or not. I will not tell you my arguement because that is not the important part. The important part is that, a classmate of mine disagreed vehemently with me about my perspective. Well, that in and of itself is not a big deal. However, it is to be noted that, I am the only female who was present in this discussion section. Also, I was the only African American.
Anyone who truly knows me knows, the thing I hate most in human relationships is confrontation and disagreement. I usually try to avoid it. But, anyone who is alive knows, avoiding it... is impossible.
Well, when my classmate disagreed with me, my argument kind of got lost in discussion. Other tried to argue both sides but, I was not able to speak up to support my own idea. And, that really upset me because, inside my own head, I had an argument to the statements, and they were not being voiced by anyone else. But, I felt afraid to speak them. However, I decided, I wasn't going to let fear be the determining factor in whether or not my ideas were going to be heard. So, I decided to argue. And, I am most proud of myself because, I argued until there was nothing left. The point wasn't really to be right, but to support my ideas. Which I did.
This is important because, often times, women's ideas get lost in translation, overlooked or spoken by a male and then praised. And, so many times, we allow this to be the case.
But, I have to say, being assertive does not have to translate into mean and nasty or the negative image that so many people have of assertive and outspoken women.
So, if there is a point in the next few days when you get the chance to speak out, I encourage you to do it. Your heart may race, and your voice my quiver, but, you say it. Why? Because your ideas are valuable. And no one else is going to speak your mind for you.
So, go for it. And, do not get intimidated by the person you a voicing them to. At the end of the day, they are just human too. God didn't make them any MORE than they made you. You just have to choose to use it.
Well, that's the insight for the week. And it was a point of personal growth that I felt deserved to share.
(And, I'd like to add that sense then, I have been speaking my mind so much, I can barely keep it to myself. And it feels really, really good. Like filling your lungs with air after coming up from underwater....)
So, get to it!
I'll close with this parting thought:

"To tend, unfailingly, unflinchingly, towards a goal, is the secret to success."- Anna Pavlova

Jai Ho! (May Victory Be Yours)

This week has certainly been busy. Since I was on the retreat last weekend, I really didn't have a chance to be as diligent in organization as I would have hoped to be. But, it still turned out to be a rather enjoyable week. In my Virtual Communities course, we learned about cyber crimes and how they come from the internet into "meet space". Also, he said that we might not need the reader, which I was thrilled to hear!

The good part was that, after the retreat, there are many more faces on campus that I recognize and now I am able to talk to a few more people.

There have been two really great events that have defined the week for me. The first was going to a Moot Court Competition in which Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor  was a judge. It was my first time watching a Moot Court competition, and it was hosted and featured the Berkeley Law school, Boalt,  which has produced some very influential attorneys. During the competition, it was fascinating to hear Justice Sotomayor speak. There was a passion for the law in her voice that reignited my own passion for my future law career. (There are moments when I waver on whether the law is truly something that I want to pursue because, often times, that careers causes sacrifice in so many other aspects of life. And there is constant conflict over whether those sacrifices are worth it.) What I noticed first was that, the two competitors were a Caucasian males. Then, I looked at the rest of the judging panel and it was a Caucasian male and female from federal court systems. It was amazing to watch the entire event be directed and almost revolve around this woman of color.

I think, often times, the power of women of color is overlooked. Not only by society, but by the colored women themselves. We become discouraged in whether we can truly make any kind of difference or whether we truly have a shot at such great opportunities. However, Justice Sotomayer seemed completely comfortable; first in her own skin, and then in the presence of others. She spoke with an intellect that was unparallel. She not only knew the law, but she was enraptured by it. She commanded the authority of the entire room. And I do believe that everyone present was in awe of her body of knowledge. It made me aspire to work twice as hard in my studies because, there is nothing in the world like being "on top of your game". And that is exactly what Justice Sotomayor was.  She was unwavering, and certain of herself. And was not afraid to be authoritative about her knowledge. Her voice almost dared anyone to question her. And I think all women sometimes struggle with using this intonation.

In society and culture this week, we discussed an article about gender socialization throughout cultures and the presence of altruistic and egoistic personality traits. We discussed the fact that, sometimes, women waver between the two personalities because, they feel the need to be egoistic, due the the fact that the female roles that are typically associated with altruistic behaviors are degraded and underappreciated. So, rather than assume this position completely, they struggle to assume egoistic traits in order to have the more important roles that gain more social and symbolic capital. However, they are also chastened for this ambition because, according to their socialization, they are meant to be altruistic instead. Saying all this to say, Justice Sotomayor was not intimidated to be egoistic about her breadth and depth of knowledge. She did not shy away from being the authority on the panel. I believe this confidence comes from more than her titles: Princeton and Yale Graduate, scholar, judge and supreme court justice. While all the these titles are a part of who she is, her confidence is based on more than that.

Listening to her reminded me that, it is okay for a woman such as myself to be confident in not only herself, but in the knowledge and the presence that she has. It is okay to be sure of yourself and your abilities. She also reminded me that, you can only have that confidence from knowing that you have done the work it takes to be certain. I can only be the attorney/judge and eventual Justice of the Supreme Court that I desire to be by first achieving excellence right here, in the space I inhabit now. Because, my life is going to build on that place.

It was truly an awestruck moment for me when I realized that, there was once a moment in time when Justice Sotomayor was once only a dreamer, like myself. However, she was transported from dreaming to living the dream with prayer and hard work. (Well, I'll speak for myself on the prayer part. But, I will venture to say that, due to her Christian upbringing, prayer might have been part of her journey as well.)

The second amazing uplifting and amazing part of my week started on Wednesday. I was sitting outside of Dwinelle Hall, eating my lunch and listening to music when a young man came up to me and started a conversation with me. His first words were to share with me that God had spoken to him and told him to tell me that He loved me (God, not the boy. Lol) And, from there, we have a great conversation about faith and finding a place and group with which to fellowship. And he invited me to meet with his group. Tonight was the culmination of that invitation. We met with his group of friends at a restaurant and had dinner before Bible study.

I will be honest in saying that at first I was a little nervous because everyone in the group was of Asian decent, and I was worried I would stick out or be awkward. However, they were all truly welcoming and I was quickly able to make rapid connections with several of the group members. And soon, I forgot completely to feel any kind of self-consciousness. Rather, I just felt like a regular, accepted of the group.

One of the key moments of the evening was when one of the young ladies from the group asked me about my life as a Christian. She asked me if I had been a Christian all my life or was this the first time that I had been to church. I shared with her that, I was a Christian since I was young and that my mother was actually a minster. She asked me what all did my mom do within the church and I began to share about my mom. Then, she told me something that blew my mind. She told me how very lucky I was to have a mother who was in the church and how much she wished she had a mother who was involved that way. I literally had a brain flat line at that statement. My mom has been a minister so long (even before she accepted the official calling) I stopped seeing it as something that was truly a big deal. However, she started to share with me how, her mom had not been a Christian and that ,she had struggled to try and get her mom to try.

It began to sink in to me, how many advantages I have in life that I truly over look. It never occurred to me what my life would have been like if I was the one trying to influence and live a Christ-like life for my mother, rather than the other way around.

So, I have to say, the majority of the week was spent in a spiritual growth as well as a growth in self-awareness. 

It has occurred to me, and even overwhelmed me several times, just how much I have been blessed in this journey. Sometimes it is all too much to truly think about. And rather than truly having something profound to say about it all, I can only FEEL my gratefulness and voice it with simply saying "Thank you". It feels like an understatement. However, I am sure that God understands what it is that I feel.

So, I'll close with these few words:

"You are the reason that I breathe. You are the reason that I still believe. You are my destiny. Jai Ho! No there is nothing that can stop us. Nothing can ever come between us. Jai Ho!"

(I know it is meant to be a love song. But, I feel like at this particular moment, those are the words that best describe the way I feel about my relationship with God through this journey.)

AASD Retreat

So, I wanted to write about an experience that I had this weekend that was very powerful. However, to get to that part, I have to start the story from about a week ago.
About a week ago, I had lunch with a representative from the Black Student Union. She informed me that the AASD (African-American Student Development Office)  was having a Retreat and Summit. It was meant to be a chance for African American Students at Berkeley to gather together and build a sense of community while discussing issues that needed to be addressed within the community on Campus. At first, I wasn’t sure if I would want to participate  because I can be pretty shy and I thought that it would be strange. However, I went to the "Milk  & Cookies" session for the Black Campus ministries. Again, at this meeting, the retreat was mentioned. I decided to look into it further. I registered for the retreat on Wednesday but I still wasn't completely decided on whether or not I would attend.
On Thursday evening, I had conceded to not going. Instead, I would spend the weekend getting caught up on my reading. However, on Friday morning, it just sort of came to me that I should go. And so I got up and packed my bags and had them waiting for me when I got back from class.
Well, at 3:00, I booked out of my last class back to my dorm and dragged my two bags and a package of Pocky Sticks to Upper Sproul to meet the rest of the group.
We walked to the BART station in Downtown Berkeley, which is not too different from the Marta in Atlanta. (At least in the systematic way.) We traveled about 25-30 min. from Berkeley to Walnut Creek. From there, it has been a great experience.
The overall theme of the summit was "Miseducation of the Negro"
On the first night, we heard from a panel of African American Cal graduates about what issues they felt the black community at Berkeley was facing. They spoke about the ways that many students had become complacent in their purpose as black students at Cal. They also reminded us that our education was not for out benefit only, but that it was meant to be a way that we could contribute to our community and give back. It was a very innovative discourse to hear from peers, rather than from faculty. It reminded me, as a Spelmanite, of the duties that I have to fulfill once I return to Spelman in the fall. I have a community of my own to uplift through positivity and to promote more of a sense of responsibility. It is important to understand that a degree from any institution is useless if you only use it for yourself. Your work has to mean something for others.
After this discussion, we had our first workshop: Miseducation of Women. It was during this session that the male students and the female students were split up to have separate discussions. In the seminar for the women, we discussed the topic of respect. We were asked first, to sit in a circle and each of had to express what we hoped to get out of the session. For me, the answer was a sense of community.
Coming from Spelman, a school with a legacy of community and sisterhood, it felt strange to hear the young women actually expressing the need for sisterhood among themselves. Then it dawned on me…
I have been calling Spelmanites, not Spelman students, but my Spelman Sisters for the last 2 and a half years of my life. It is this community that has come to define the majority of my experience at Spelman College. I have had experiences where I have been on the highways of Charlotte, North Carolina, but when I see a Spelman Decal or license plate holder, I can pull up along side the car and will receive a wave from my Spelman sister. Our community is not just on the campus. It is a network that goes all over the place. We congratulate each other. Greet each other. Promote each other. And we always strive to reach out to each other. So, I have never had to worry about community. (However, I do believe that there are definitely times when our sisterhood needs to be reiterated. I will not proceed to say MY Spelman is perfect. But I love my Spelman sister enough not to lie to them about the state of our sisterhood. And sometimes, it is important to remind each other what that is supposed to mean and the history behind it.)
Anyway, once we listed our expectations and desires for the group, we split up into 10 groups of five. In these groups, we were asked to answer the following questions:
1. What does respect look like/ feel like?
2.  Do you feel like you are respected?
3. When is a time you felt most respected?
4. When was a time you felt most disrespected?
5. What are ways that we can show respect to each other in our community? What changes are we willing to make and what does it take to get there?
In answering these questions, we delved deep into our hearts and were vulnerable enough to share honestly with one another. It seemed like a strange thing, but talking about respect is truly an emotional topic. There were some girls who could not think of a time that they felt respected. It was hurtful to hear that because, everyone should feel respected. What was even worse was that sometimes, the greatest disrespect came those that were often closest to the young women that were sharing.
After this time together, we joined back with the young men to reflect on what we had discussed. Afterwards, we left for our rooms to have various activities until we went to sleep. Although these discussions were great, the greatest part of the weekend was yet to come.
We started the next days Workshops with a Session called "Mastery of Self" with Baayan Bakari. During Mr. Bakari's talk, he talked about restoring the respect and dignity to the identity of black people. No longer thinking that being black was synonymous with ignorance, unattached attitudes and an aversion to success. But rather, we came from a people who lived with pride and dignity. He also asked us to ponder the following questions:
1. Who Am I?
2. How do I see Myself?
3. What is my life's purpose?
After this lecture, we had a keynote address from the Berkeley Associate Chancellor Linda Williams. This was a speech that I thought correlated perfectly with my experience as a Spelmanite. Ms. Williams is the first African American female cabinet member of UCB. Her advice and experience was amazing to hear. However, I feel like she is probably a speaker that we might not ever have at Spelman, which is too bad. There are some very subtle differences in what you are going to hear at Spelman v. University of California Berkeley. Although I love our administration with all of my heart, there always feels like this distance between where we are as students and our administrations. However, Ms. Williams was able to remove the distance between student and administrator in her speech.
After this as a student led discussion called Joys and Complexities of the Diaspora which was held by the Nigerian Student Association. The topic was to look at the ways that Africans viewed African Americans and vice versa. It was also to resolve the negative connotations that have come from words such as "African", "African-American", ",Black" and "American".
The most important part of the retreat series was at the end when we had our group bonding activity to close. There was a yarn "ball" introduced to the group and each of us had to wrap it around our wrist while sharing something that we gained from the experience. As we passed the yarn from person to person, there was a web formed so that each of us was bound to each other. When we had finished sharing, we each cut our part of the yarn and tied it to our wrists as a reminder of the connection that we shared and the community that we had to build upon if ever we needed on another.
The retreat was overall and excellent experience and a wonderful way to recharge for another week
Yet another fine week here at Berkeley has come to  a close. And it has made me all the more sure that I am currently, exactly where I need to be. And, I know that I have MY Spelman, to thank for the opportunity.