This week has certainly been busy. Since I was on the retreat last weekend, I really didn't have a chance to be as diligent in organization as I would have hoped to be. But, it still turned out to be a rather enjoyable week. In my Virtual Communities course, we learned about cyber crimes and how they come from the internet into "meet space". Also, he said that we might not need the reader, which I was thrilled to hear!
The good part was that, after the retreat, there are many more faces on campus that I recognize and now I am able to talk to a few more people.
There have been two really great events that have defined the week for me. The first was going to a Moot Court Competition in which Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor was a judge. It was my first time watching a Moot Court competition, and it was hosted and featured the Berkeley Law school, Boalt, which has produced some very influential attorneys. During the competition, it was fascinating to hear Justice Sotomayor speak. There was a passion for the law in her voice that reignited my own passion for my future law career. (There are moments when I waver on whether the law is truly something that I want to pursue because, often times, that careers causes sacrifice in so many other aspects of life. And there is constant conflict over whether those sacrifices are worth it.) What I noticed first was that, the two competitors were a Caucasian males. Then, I looked at the rest of the judging panel and it was a Caucasian male and female from federal court systems. It was amazing to watch the entire event be directed and almost revolve around this woman of color.
I think, often times, the power of women of color is overlooked. Not only by society, but by the colored women themselves. We become discouraged in whether we can truly make any kind of difference or whether we truly have a shot at such great opportunities. However, Justice Sotomayer seemed completely comfortable; first in her own skin, and then in the presence of others. She spoke with an intellect that was unparallel. She not only knew the law, but she was enraptured by it. She commanded the authority of the entire room. And I do believe that everyone present was in awe of her body of knowledge. It made me aspire to work twice as hard in my studies because, there is nothing in the world like being "on top of your game". And that is exactly what Justice Sotomayor was. She was unwavering, and certain of herself. And was not afraid to be authoritative about her knowledge. Her voice almost dared anyone to question her. And I think all women sometimes struggle with using this intonation.
In society and culture this week, we discussed an article about gender socialization throughout cultures and the presence of altruistic and egoistic personality traits. We discussed the fact that, sometimes, women waver between the two personalities because, they feel the need to be egoistic, due the the fact that the female roles that are typically associated with altruistic behaviors are degraded and underappreciated. So, rather than assume this position completely, they struggle to assume egoistic traits in order to have the more important roles that gain more social and symbolic capital. However, they are also chastened for this ambition because, according to their socialization, they are meant to be altruistic instead. Saying all this to say, Justice Sotomayor was not intimidated to be egoistic about her breadth and depth of knowledge. She did not shy away from being the authority on the panel. I believe this confidence comes from more than her titles: Princeton and Yale Graduate, scholar, judge and supreme court justice. While all the these titles are a part of who she is, her confidence is based on more than that.
Listening to her reminded me that, it is okay for a woman such as myself to be confident in not only herself, but in the knowledge and the presence that she has. It is okay to be sure of yourself and your abilities. She also reminded me that, you can only have that confidence from knowing that you have done the work it takes to be certain. I can only be the attorney/judge and eventual Justice of the Supreme Court that I desire to be by first achieving excellence right here, in the space I inhabit now. Because, my life is going to build on that place.
It was truly an awestruck moment for me when I realized that, there was once a moment in time when Justice Sotomayor was once only a dreamer, like myself. However, she was transported from dreaming to living the dream with prayer and hard work. (Well, I'll speak for myself on the prayer part. But, I will venture to say that, due to her Christian upbringing, prayer might have been part of her journey as well.)
The second amazing uplifting and amazing part of my week started on Wednesday. I was sitting outside of Dwinelle Hall, eating my lunch and listening to music when a young man came up to me and started a conversation with me. His first words were to share with me that God had spoken to him and told him to tell me that He loved me (God, not the boy. Lol) And, from there, we have a great conversation about faith and finding a place and group with which to fellowship. And he invited me to meet with his group. Tonight was the culmination of that invitation. We met with his group of friends at a restaurant and had dinner before Bible study.
I will be honest in saying that at first I was a little nervous because everyone in the group was of Asian decent, and I was worried I would stick out or be awkward. However, they were all truly welcoming and I was quickly able to make rapid connections with several of the group members. And soon, I forgot completely to feel any kind of self-consciousness. Rather, I just felt like a regular, accepted of the group.
One of the key moments of the evening was when one of the young ladies from the group asked me about my life as a Christian. She asked me if I had been a Christian all my life or was this the first time that I had been to church. I shared with her that, I was a Christian since I was young and that my mother was actually a minster. She asked me what all did my mom do within the church and I began to share about my mom. Then, she told me something that blew my mind. She told me how very lucky I was to have a mother who was in the church and how much she wished she had a mother who was involved that way. I literally had a brain flat line at that statement. My mom has been a minister so long (even before she accepted the official calling) I stopped seeing it as something that was truly a big deal. However, she started to share with me how, her mom had not been a Christian and that ,she had struggled to try and get her mom to try.
It began to sink in to me, how many advantages I have in life that I truly over look. It never occurred to me what my life would have been like if I was the one trying to influence and live a Christ-like life for my mother, rather than the other way around.
So, I have to say, the majority of the week was spent in a spiritual growth as well as a growth in self-awareness.
It has occurred to me, and even overwhelmed me several times, just how much I have been blessed in this journey. Sometimes it is all too much to truly think about. And rather than truly having something profound to say about it all, I can only FEEL my gratefulness and voice it with simply saying "Thank you". It feels like an understatement. However, I am sure that God understands what it is that I feel.
So, I'll close with these few words:
"You are the reason that I breathe. You are the reason that I still believe. You are my destiny. Jai Ho! No there is nothing that can stop us. Nothing can ever come between us. Jai Ho!"
(I know it is meant to be a love song. But, I feel like at this particular moment, those are the words that best describe the way I feel about my relationship with God through this journey.)
No comments:
Post a Comment